Has the essential core of your “you-ness” changed over time—or simply evolved? Here are 11 ways to link your past to your present and identify what’s mutated from what’s matured.
If anxious about your parents’ acceptance of you as a child, you’d strive to adapt to their preferences, however unnatural they were to you—for it could have felt like do or die.
Anger helps you assert moral superiority over the one who harmed you, so your self-respect isn’t harmed. But its advantages pale next to those of forgiveness.
The matter of “how safe is safe enough” is a question well worth considering, especially as it affects your baseline anxiety level and sense of control.
Part 2: To whatever degree, idealizing your beloved is inevitable when you’re in love. But in misrepresenting reality, it’s also a setup for disappointment and grief.
Part 1: For many reasons, being in love can feel fantastic—but it can still end in disappointment, hurt, regret or, at its worst, despair.
You need to be reflective, not reflexive, to best cope with trying situations, requiring your rational faculties to be fully intact—impossible if you laugh, giggle, or chuckle.
Because most defense mechanisms are frozen in time and space, and don’t know how old you are, they act like “parentified children,” sabotaging efforts to reach coveted adult goals.
Because fresh out of the womb you have to depend on your caretakers for survival, you’ll feel obliged to adapt to their preferences to assure a safe attachment bond with them.
Do you feel like you haven’t lived up to your ideals? You’re still free to make new lifestyle choices that can transform how successful you perceive yourself.